I swear, I am not horsing around whatsoever.

OK, ok. You’re cute. I’m woman enough to admit that. The costume is dope with your 80’s weird hair metal mane and I’m pretty sure you’re an inter-racial baby which pretty much means you’re guaranteed cute.

But in this newfound level of honesty we have with each other, I just have to say….. BABY HORSES ARE SO MUCH CUTER THAN BABIES DRESSED AS HORSES. Listen, for a sec. It’s a numbers game baby dressed as a horse. Sure, you might be extremely adorable but here’s the deal. ALL baby horses are cute. Every friggin one of them. Your team needs to step it up. Look at this guy…

For reals? I’m just hoping that this baby dressed as a horse has his hands up because he wants his parents to get him the hell out of that costume. I mean, really, patchwork cheeks? And what’s with those sleeves?! Oh I get it, a Native American got drunk at the ol’ casino and gave it to a pony and therefore, you, a half breed/love child became to exist. So, your hands are in the air cause you’re actually conjuring up your dead ancestors around a campfire, gotcha.

Listen, I don’t care what kind of hybrid freak you’re parents dress you up as, but those huge seams are unforgiveable. Get a decent fuckin sewing machine for god’s sake. Oh whats that? You’re uncle made that costume? Well tell that jack ass to… Oh Hi uncle dressed as horse!

I was just saying what an amazing job you did on that costume. Really. I tried feeding that baby dressed as horse a carrot earlier because it was so realistic. And it was all “I can’t eat solids yet” and we just laughed and laughed. Ok, it was a pleasure, neigh, an honor meeting you. Get it? Neigh! Like a horse noise. Oh ok, bye!
What the fuck, baby dressed as horse? Give me some warning. Now where was I? Oh yes, Look how adorable a REAL baby horse is?

Ok, now you ready to have your 8 month old mind blown? That isn’t even a baby! That’s a miniature horse! An adult! Even further proof that you are the less cute species.

Now in other news, how about fewer babies dressed as horses and more baby horses dress as other things. Such as this..

(note the kids dressed as horses in the background. God it’s sad. Wait, are those horses? Bears? What the hell are those things?)

In all seriousness folks, not all horses have it good. Look at this pathetic asshole.

“Thanks owner. Ya know, I was just thinking about how I’m not hot enough completely covered in hair in this blazing Utah sun. And then you come around and put 20,000 cotton balls on me. I can’t tell you how on the same wavelength we are. Now would you be so kind as to stick that staff through my temple?!?”


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