great! aunt audrey.

last night we had my great aunt audrey, my grandma (who i refer to as g-unit), anne, my dad and i around the dinner table. audrey did most of the talking..

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some gems include but are certainly not limited to:

well i just took a percoset so i cant drink tonight (30 seconds later) well i can have wine!

i dont mind getting old, there just aint nothing to do. (my grandma pulls the oxygen out of her nose: well, i just like to watch people get tangled up in my tubes)

david! how did you fix all this? (dad: i just put it on the grill) wellll.. i swear i cant cook. ive got a take a xanax half way thru fixing instant grits.

id rather go to the urologist and have them put my feet up in stirrups for 4 hours than go to the grocery store.

(in response to me showing cleavage) well i shoulda shown mine, i paid enough.

well me and my husband didnt work out for lots of reasons (whispering in my ear as loud as she possible can) he was gay!! now i was just saying that loud enough for mame to hear me.

can yall hear my TMJ? my jaw just makes the most awful noise when my teeth hit (guniit: i can just take mine out)

if ida known my body was gonna ache this bad getting older, i woudnt have been out dancing 5 night a week in my sixties.

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